Remember: That Time You Were Addicted to MSG

Mistakes Were Made
I can no longer stand the nickname "Young Apollo." It made sense after a first date and a first impression, but seven months, six days, and a few hours later, typing it just makes me want to chunder. Therefore, hereafter Young Apollo shall be known as "Mandrew."

There are only so many dishes I learned to make on my mission to Italy, and curry was not one of them. I learned to make curry from watching Thelms cooking in the backwoods of Utah. I took a mental note of the brand, Golden Curry®, and bought it the next time I went to the store.

I make it for the fam, and we LOVE it. We rejoice over its mild spiciness and rich pasty manufactured flavor. "Amazing!" we exclaim. "From Asia's dinner table to ours!" we sing in unison, dancing around the table, utensils in clenched fists held high. We return to the store several times in the following weeks for the sole purpose of buying more to satiate our sweet addiction.

On a visit to Utah, I get a hit of Golden Curry® from the local dealer and then smuggle it back into the district. I hide it in Mandrew's cupboards until a night I can no longer handle the withdrawals and accompanying shaking. I offer to prepare dinner. I add potatoes, carrots, orange bell peppers, and tofu. After it simmers for a bit, I add the Golden Curry® cubes.

While I'm cooking Mandrew picks up the box and reads the label. "There's MSG in this," he says. "No, No, No," I say, "you must be mistaken." But there it is, disguised in the ingredients list:

Wheat flour, edible oils (palm oil, canola oil), salt, sugar, curry powder, spices, caramel color, monosodium glutamate (flavor enhancer), malic acid.

"Curse Asia for this flavor enhancing plague!" I yell when Mandrew confronts me about my problem. But I still get him to eat the curry. And though I tell him I'll lay off the MSG, it's not like I'm going to stop cold turkey. I don't even care if it's cancer inducing. Everyone has an addiction. At least mine isn't eating MSG off the floor. It could be worse, I could be snorting MSG powder up my nose.