Gluttony Primer: Emerald-of-the-Apocalypse Cake

I meant to say "herald." As in, "this cake is the herald of the apocalypse." But I said "emerald" instead. This happens when you don't eat vegetables as a kid.

Well, why thus named? Because every time someone makes this cake, the sinfulness darkens the heavens and brings the apocalypse a little closer—that's why. Also, "emerald" is funnier.

My holy cooking bible is Smitten Kitchen, and this cake is a combination/modification of two different recipes:

The Cake: Hazelnut Brown Butter Cake
The Frosting and Glaze: Chocolate Peanut Butter Cake

By themselves, each of these cakes can make grown men cry, but only when you combine them both do you hasten the entire incredible destruction of humankind.

WARNING: THIS CAKE WILL HASTEN THE ENTIRE INCREDIBLE DESTRUCTION OF HUMANKIND

Emerald-of-the-Apocalypse Cake

- Make Hazelnut Brown Butter Cake. I doubled the recipe for two 9 inch round pans. Mandrew used vanilla extract instead of acutal vanilla beans, and the cake turned out fine. Also, DO NOT BE AFRAID OF 1 POUND OF BUTTER! SACRIFICES MUST BE MADE

- Make Peanut Butter Frosting, substituting Nutella for peanut butter.
- Make Chocolate-Peanut Butter Glaze, once again substituting Nutella for peanut butter.
- Buy chocolate covered waffers (optional).

1. Once the cake has cooled, place the first layer on your decorative plate (I made mine by wrapping tin foil around a circle cardboard cut out).
2. Pour about a 1/3 of the glaze on the first layer.
3. Crumble a thick layer of chocolate waffers on top of that and cover with more glaze (Honestly, this might be the step that puts this cake over the top. If I was more pious, I might have foregone this part).
4. Place the second layer of cake on top of your chocolate glaze & waffer filling.
5. Frost the entire cake and decorate with the remaining glaze.

Finally, board up your windows and google the nearest bomb shelter.