Pioneer Craft Hour: Blackbird, Fly

(Photo: phobus)

Mandrew gifted me the most amazing camera for my collection, the Blackbird, Fly, a plastic Japanese toy camera that arrived in the States in late November. We read about it separately in the metro paper. He decided it would make a good Christmas present. I decided I needed it immediately, or I would die.

We were in NY that November weekend, and we stopped by the International Center of Photography which was selling them. Mandrew purchased the Blackbird, Fly and handed me the bag. The MOMENT I touched it, I burst into a thousand pieces of childhood excitement.

As expected, I spend the entire weekend looking out the view finder of this sweet piece of plastic magnificence. I have no photos developed yet, but I'm taking the camera along for our Christmas trip. Whoo!

This is what Blackbird Frequent Flyers have done so far [cue drooling]:

(Photos: phobus, d!zzy and AndyWilson)

Remember: That one time your eyebrows spread like wildfire

My eyebrows are apparently consuming my entire face. With the spirit of manifest destiny, they’re supposedly annexing every uncovered patch of skin. How it came to this, I’m not sure. I had a normal childhood, but sometime between thanksgiving weekend and yesterday, the offending brows proliferated into regions reserved for eyeglasses and forehead wrinkles. I swear I’m not growing grizzly bears on my forehead, but people are starting to make me worry.

At a brunch Mandrew and I host, a certain guest and I gossip about how frigid Mother Nature is being this time of year (a.k.a. polite/eye-rolling weather chit chat). When the conversation runs its course, this guest leans in and says, “I couldn’t help but notice that you don’t pluck your eyebrows. Good for you! Manscaping is overrated.” With a pat on the back, he walks away. I cower over to the bathroom to make sure my eyebrows haven’t suddenly joined in hairy matrimony.

A week later I’m once again staring in a mirror, having my hair cut. The stylist is on a mission to sell me a year supply of hair product. She’s getting nowhere by using lines like, “Is your hair always this frizzy? Well I recommend…,” and “If you’d only use a flat iron, this hair gloss…”

She brings me over to the sink and shampoos my hair. The spray nozzle grazes my nose and splashes my eyeglasses. She’s slightly more gifted than a 3 yr old icing a gingerbread house. She pulls the towel over my hair and pauses to tilt her head. “Hmm…Do you need me to wax your eyebrows? Cause I can do that,” she nods with an encouraging smirk.

I sigh internally, and for a half second, I consider the possibility. Does she see something I don’t? But then the image of David Bowie’s brows comes to mind, and I’m cured. I’ll take my chances with the grizzlies.

Water drips down my face, but nothing gets in my eyes as I tell her, “No, I don’t believe in waxing my eyebrows, but thanks for offering.”

(Photo: trapac)

Gemini: Inauguration Will Be Boring

It's never easy to hear that you're going blind, especially since it also means that you're going deaf.

(Photo: loborroso)

Life is a Mix Tape: More Cowbell - The Christmas Kind

I'm not gonna stand here and lie to you...


(Pedro the Lion - I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day)

I've been listening to Christmas music since July. And yes, I'm a little ashamed, but at least I waited until December to put up the Christmas tree - the office Christmas tree.


(Sufjan Stevens - Put the Lights on the Tree)

Yup, a big fat douglas fir the size of the financial bailout (FINE! the auto bailout). And since my office works on agricultural issues, I hung our potato, carrot and pistachio ornaments all over it. It looks like the Farm Bill vomited on a national park.

And it's beautiful,
The most beautiful I've ever seen.

Gemini: Totz Preggers*

A turkey baster, some trusty twine, and a can of cranberry sauce will figure heavily in the weeks to come. Although it's artificial insemination and not Thanksgiving you should prepare for. (Photo: Oℓivia)

*(Totally Pregnant) Male pregnancy is apparently spreading. I'm blaming this miracle on Oprah.

Life is a Mix Tape: Off the Deep End of Indie

During Red Without Blue an incredible documentary, which EVERYONE should go see, about identical twins, one of which transitions from male to female, I heard a song that was pretty much the best thing ever. It's the kind of song I absolutely must have IMMEDIATELY, and the kind I listen to on repeat until I can't get any more miles out of it.






You can barely hear the song "Long Distances" at the end of the movie's trailer. Anyway, this song and "Lucky Me," both by the artist Timothy Rabbit are APOCALYPTICALLY AWESOME (in a good way, no gnashing of teeth).

However, they're SO indie, they're not available on iTunes! [begin gnashing of teeth], only MySpace! So, I have been forced to return to that old forum I left long ago. On this occasion of visiting my old internet friend, I have composed a poem:

In Loving Memory of the MySpace

This used to be my playground,

but alas.

Oh how the years pass,

until you get old

and die

(WHY won't you just let me

post your STUPID music application

to my blog)

Underage: Habitual Trash Picker-Upper

Tuesday, November 4, 2008 cannot come soon enough. Sometimes when I get so stressed out about the future of freedom, I have to listen to Obama's Yes We Can song over and over, just to keep myself from vomiting.

Other times, when I'm walking past the Capitol, thinking about the next congress, I start hyper-ventilating, and I just have to reach down to start picking up trash. I will, no doubt, continue this annoying practice as I wait in line to vote.

It is not always easy being a
kid. This is one of my greatest

worries and my way of dealing with

it.My gretest worry is will

the earth be hear when

I grow up? What will

happer to me will

I die. will I disapear?

I deat with this by

picking up trash. Recy-

ciling and Reuseing

things.

Thats

how

I deal

with

that

Gemini: You Don't Have Gills

Your stress-management technique of taking long, deep breaths will prove disastrous this week when a riptide drags you underwater.

Flickr: (Slimmer Jimmer)

This I Believe: We Are Not the Enemy

This post is part of the Write to Marry Day - Support for Marriage Equality.

"I don't think the world's biggest problem is two people who love each other so much that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. (via comments on dooce.com)"

With things heating up in the final days before the election, I have endured and read about some unfortunate confrontations over "the homosexuals" and their battle "against" marriage in California. I have donated to the cause, and fretted about the consequences of Proposition 8.

While I am worried that marriage rights will be taken away in California, I am incredibly disturbed by the tendency to de-humanize and vilify lesbians and gays in order to mobilize people to vote against them. I worry people forget that these individuals have mothers, fathers and partners who love and care for them, that they are more interested in building their own lives than in destroying the lives of others, and that they only ask the rights which others already enjoy.

I wonder if hate crimes against lesbians and gays would have decreased, rather than increased in the past year, if people could see lesbians and gays as actual people they could be friends with, rather than enemies.

I wonder if my father would still be talking to me, if he could see me as something other than an enemy to his marriage and family.

I wonder if Prop 8 would have less support, if more people had lesbian and gay friends in their immediate circles.



It's more difficult to vilify and then discriminate against a group of people when we put a face on them and/or get to know them. The brilliance of blogging is that it gives us the chance to see lesbians and gays as something more than a threatening, ominous enemy, but as real people, people we could be friends with, people we could even support and love.

I hope people will take the chance to put a face on the individuals that will be affected by Prop 8 (One example: We Are Not the Enemy), and I hope they will support equality by voting No on Prop 8.

Underage: Potty Humor

Yeah..., this photo was bound to surface anyway.

Why do parents even take these photos?

In any case, my mother did a good job. With the exception of the LSAT, I never have potty accidents anymore.

If I went on a trip and
could take only one
possession I would take
I would take a tolite
because if I didnt bring
a toilit I would hoft to
go bathroom on the
ground.

Pioneer Craft Hour: Here is the Steeple

It has turned violently cold in DC. Yesterday I was wearing shorts. Today I'm in a jacket and scarf. The cabbie I was complaining to said not to worry, "We haven't skipped fall cause the leaves haven't changed."

Well, mother nature, I'm waiting.

Remember: That time you borrowed a pencil for the LSAT

There are times when I think signing up for the LSAT two months before the deadline is good enough, but sometimes I’m wrong. So wrong, in fact, that I end up on a waiting list which inevitably gets me a test spot in BALTIMORE.

The night before the test, Mandrew and I head up to “the greatest city in America” (apparently, Baltimore). I set up headquarters in the living room of one of his high school friends, where I pack my one gallon ziplock (the only container allowed in the testing center) with 3 pencils, a water bottle, my ID, my LSAT ticket stub and some cash. I don’t cram, since I’ve been cramming the last 2 months, but I do try to get some sleep.

(Photo: S.C. Asher)

I wake up an hour before my alarm trying to figure out this problem:

If the 10th amendment is traveling east at 40 mph and the 2nd amendment is traveling west at 75 mph, in the resulting collision, how many Supreme Court justices will be replaced by the next president? And will Roe v. Wade be overturned?

I shower quickly, use the restroom TWICE, grab my ziplock and run out the door. After running around this foreign city for twenty minutes, I finally find a cab driver awake at 7:30 on a Saturday morning. He takes me to the hotel where the test is being administered. I’m an hour early, so I take my nervous jitters out on the men’s restroom three times before I check in and take my seat.

The girl next to me is organizing her ziplock on her desk. While examining a glitter-covered pencil says, “I don’t know if this is a no. 2 pencil,” and takes out a normal one. I courtesy laugh and examine my own pencils just in case.

(*&^#$%*(# [HEAD EXPLODES] *&#@&@^% [EYES FALL OUT OF HEAD]

All three of my pencils are no. 2.5s. TWO AND A HALFs! WHO EVEN MAKES THESE!?!?

I search my peers frantically. I have just become THAT kid, the one that had to BORROW a pencil for the LSAT! The one that can’t read SIMPLE directions (NUMBER 2 PENCILS ONLY).
The upright girl with SEVEN immaculately sharpened no. 2s is probably too anal retentive to lend me one, but the girl next to her in the hoodie, with unwashed hair, might just be the one.

Sure enough! She lends me two pencils, but only after she and everyone around decide I PROBABLY won’t make it to law school. And if I do, I’ll probably be hit by a car on my first day, when I stop in the middle of the crosswalk to search my backpack for a writing utensil.

I wait for the test to being, and just before they fire the starting shot, my bladder gives up. Despite having gone to the bathroom a total FIVE times this morning, I have to go AGAIN. But since I’m determined to finish this test AND with a DECENT score, I just writhe and reel with borrowed pencil in hand.

ON YOUR MARKS! (Hold it! HOLD IT!)
GET SET! (Don’t cry! DO NOT CRY!)
GO! (You WILL finish this test!)

Gemini: Culinarily Impotent

You'll be awarded the Nobel Prize For Not Paying Attention And Letting The Damn Rice Burn Again this week.

(Photo by: boskizzi)

Pioneer Craft Hour: Meridian Hill

I took these at Meridian Hill for a few engaged friends of ours. Mandrew would make them laugh, and I would shoot them with my camera. I take full responsibility for my actions.

Black & White:

X Pro:

This is my absolute favorite:

Underage: Introvert

There are times When I like
to be alone.
One of these times is when
I hate my sister when
she is a gerk and
when My Teacher says
I need to inprowment
on Math Sosoil [social]
studys. I want
to be alone
omost every day.

Underage: Extrovert

My mother taught me to say nice things out loud, and to keep angry feelings inside. But whatever. ETHAN! Wherever and whoever you are! I still think you're a HUGE GERK!
There are times when I

like to be with others. One

of there times is when I

am in a place where

I don't now eneybody. and

When I don't like someone

--- like Ethan.

Reading Rainbow: Law School Admissions Torture(Prep)

Too many episodes of Scrubs made me a pre-med in college (a short-lived two-semester delusion), and too many episodes of Raising the Bar have made me register for the LSAT (a half-day multiple-choice ordeal).

Why am I taking the LSAT? Because I haven’t ruled out law school. But then again, I haven’t ruled out running through on-coming traffic across the Roosevelt Memorial Bridge and then swan-diving into the Potomac River to live permanently with mermaids and pretty fishies.

I bought a small paperback LSAT guide, the size of a romance novel, because it was less intimidating, and well, cheaper.
Here’s a taste:

Questions 34-35

During a museum trip, Martha and John each attend three history lectures (B, C, and D) and three science lectures (X, Y, and Z). They do not attend the same lecture at the same time, although they attend all six one-hour lectures. The lecture schedule must conform to the following conditions:

- John must attend each science lecture prior to Martha attending that same lecture.
- Martha must attend each history lecture prior to John attending that same lecture.
- John cannot attend two historical lectures consecutively.
- Martha must attend lecture Z third.
- John wants to bring his dog to the lectures.
- Martha never talks to strangers.
- Martha and John hate each other.

34. Which one of the following could be true?
(A) John attends Y first.
(B) Martha attends D first.
(C) Martha will inevitably slap John on the mouth.
(D) John’s dog will bite Martha.
(E) Martha is voting for Sarah Palin just because she has ovaries.

35. If John attends lecture B fourth, which of the following CANNOT be true.
(A) John must attend lecture C sixth
(B) Martha doesn’t even like museums.
(C) John has to postpone the lecture to "work" on the financial crisis.
(D) Martha also doesn’t accept candy from strangers.
(E) Hybrid will get the lowest score in the history of LSAT, EVER.

Photo(flickr) : Superheroes - Puja

Pioneer Craft Hour: Sunless Polaroids

I had Mandrew don a shirt and tie for these suckers. I had 15 minutes to take my shots before The Closer came on TNT. I'm enjoying the drastic lighting in each polaroid. May the polaroid fun never end. Amen.

Underage: A Horuse That Made History

I was obsessed with horses when I was a ten-year old. I even shovelled horse manure for Sally O'Connor (the famous horse trainer and author of several training books) while she stayed with my family for a competition in Arizona.

After she left, I forgot her name and started telling everyone Sandra Day O'Connor was my best friend.

One of the best books I

ever read was Lost Pony

This is why I like it, It

was a horuse that

got lost I like that

horuse cause he made

history.

Remember: That Time You Were Addicted to MSG

Mistakes Were Made
I can no longer stand the nickname "Young Apollo." It made sense after a first date and a first impression, but seven months, six days, and a few hours later, typing it just makes me want to chunder. Therefore, hereafter Young Apollo shall be known as "Mandrew."

There are only so many dishes I learned to make on my mission to Italy, and curry was not one of them. I learned to make curry from watching Thelms cooking in the backwoods of Utah. I took a mental note of the brand, Golden Curry®, and bought it the next time I went to the store.

I make it for the fam, and we LOVE it. We rejoice over its mild spiciness and rich pasty manufactured flavor. "Amazing!" we exclaim. "From Asia's dinner table to ours!" we sing in unison, dancing around the table, utensils in clenched fists held high. We return to the store several times in the following weeks for the sole purpose of buying more to satiate our sweet addiction.

On a visit to Utah, I get a hit of Golden Curry® from the local dealer and then smuggle it back into the district. I hide it in Mandrew's cupboards until a night I can no longer handle the withdrawals and accompanying shaking. I offer to prepare dinner. I add potatoes, carrots, orange bell peppers, and tofu. After it simmers for a bit, I add the Golden Curry® cubes.

While I'm cooking Mandrew picks up the box and reads the label. "There's MSG in this," he says. "No, No, No," I say, "you must be mistaken." But there it is, disguised in the ingredients list:

Wheat flour, edible oils (palm oil, canola oil), salt, sugar, curry powder, spices, caramel color, monosodium glutamate (flavor enhancer), malic acid.

"Curse Asia for this flavor enhancing plague!" I yell when Mandrew confronts me about my problem. But I still get him to eat the curry. And though I tell him I'll lay off the MSG, it's not like I'm going to stop cold turkey. I don't even care if it's cancer inducing. Everyone has an addiction. At least mine isn't eating MSG off the floor. It could be worse, I could be snorting MSG powder up my nose.

Gemini: Shoot Your Eye Out

Remember: It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then, it's a challenging scavenger hunt.

Underage: An Antadod for Scopeyons Bites

For my brother's wedding, my mother went through the family photos so she could give him his share. She let me take my photos as well. In the process I stumbled upon my old journal, and my 3rd grade "All About Me" workbook.

The workbook apparently came from, "ME!? Methods of Teaching Self-Esteem in the Classroom."

Thank you Mrs. Lahodik.

study jerms

and Study them so hard

I would find a cure to

aids. I would find a

an antadod for scopeyons

bites. My dad says a

scopeyons can Kill you.

Pioneer Craft Hour: Polaroids Are FunFriends

As if I did not have enough cameras (seven and counting), I have discovered another, the polaroid. And what a beautiful thing it is. 1) Threadless T-shirt. 2) Young Apollo's Pottery. 3) Sunflower.

Life is a Mix Tape: Happiness in Musical Form

When the gods decided to give happiness a tangible form, they made it a JBC.

When they decided to give happiness a musical form, they made it Noah & the Whale's "5 Years Time."

Young Apollo and I were watching TV and a CAR comercial came on, A CAR COMMERICAL in this day and age! This normally forces me to roll my eyes, especially when they claim the latest SUV model miraculously reduces carbon emissions, saves POLAR BEARS, and makes trees sprout in desertified regions.

But these clever marketers used the happiest song since "Popcorn Popping," and I was duped into buying the newest "eco-friendly" SUV.

although maybe all these moments are just in my head

i’ll be thinking ‘bout them as i’m lying in bed

and all that i believe, it might not become true

but in my mind i’m havin’ a pretty good time with you

in five years time i might not know you

in five years time we might not speak

in five years time we might not get along
in five years time you might just prove me wrong

oh there’ll be love love love

wherever you go

there’ll be love

Gemini: Maths

You'll be reduced to a fraction of your former self this week when both your numerator and denominator are divided by 12.

Pioneer Craft Hour: Jazz in the Garden

During the District’s summer, on Fridays around five, the sculpture garden sprouts picnic baskets, blankets, friends, and other lounging urbanites. Jazz and sangria flow, thanks to National Gallery of Art. My nikon jumps in my hands, and the shutter flies into action.

Life is a Mix Tape: A Welcome Home Mix

“We're really not that different, just a few steps from exploding” -Rocky Votolato

"Detox" after a Mormon mission can take months, but this little number from a dear friend most definitely eased some of the growing pains. It’s the gift that keeps on giving, even years after re-entry.

Track 13, Mix Tapes/Cellmates, by Rocky Votolato went on repeat until the CD decided it had had enough and burst into flames, but only after climbing out of the player and giving me the finger.

I later saw Rocky in concert at Velour in Provo. The venue wasn’t crowded, so the concert felt quite personal. He played his new stuff, which left us eager and excited. He played the crowd favorites, which made us dance and rejoice. Then he played Mix Tapes / Cellmates which brought us to our knees, and tears to our eyes.

This is the most sublime experience I’ve ever had, second ONLY to the time I found an enormous peanut butter cookie at Dunkin’ Donuts which had an entire Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup face down in the center.